I feel greatly akin to what Jordan Gray writes here and feel grateful for his articulation.
“Physical, sexual, and emotional traumas in childhood are all too common.
Regardless of whether you were physically attacked, bullied, sexually assaulted, or chronically neglected, the pain of childhood trauma can sting for decades after the original incidents.
Researchers have found that childhood traumas can negatively impact permanent development changes in the brain, and be an ongoing contributing factor to various psychiatric problems like anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and post traumatic stress disorder.
In short, the body, heart, and mind remember the old trauma.
The resulting shame, pain, guilt, and despair of the childhood trauma is then either acted inwards as depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, dissociation, or post-traumatic stress, or acted outwards as compulsivity, substance abuse, aggression, or hyperactivity. In either case, the thought processes and behaviours lead back to a sense of trying to escape oneself.
Some of the most common resulting mechanisms that come from experiencing childhood trauma are mindsets such as, “I can only rely on myself”, “I always need to be on high alert”, “I always need to be in control and/or angry.” And while these defence mechanisms may have served us for a time in order to get through our childhood, they become maladaptive and limiting in our adult years.
The good news is that, for many people, the resulting effects of your traumas can be worked through. Even if your brain does wire itself a little differently because of the core wounding, it is not insurmountable.
You can move through your trauma to experience abundant self-esteem, loving intimate relationships, and a deep sense of meaning in your life. Your traumatic experiences do not have to define you.
And even if people have told you to “just get over it”, moving through the pain of your childhood trauma will take consistent, genuine effort…” full article here